31 Days of Showing Your Good Man Love!

Over the next 31 days take a moment to read, reflect, but most importantly pray. Use this list as talking points or goals in your God-given relationship. Guided by the Holy Spirit, set aside time to have authentic conversations with your good man and whatever you do, no matter what, ALWAYS INCLUDE OUR AMAZING GOD! After all, He loves you, wants every part of you to thrive, and He knows best!

DAY 1

Love him how you love. Not the way your parents loved or the way your friends love. Even if they were great examples, still love him how God wants you to love.

DAY 2

Love him genuinely.

DAY 3

Listen to him, please. He needs to be heard the same way you want him to hear you. Therefore, if he asked you to do something then follow through with that or he will feel as though his words/requests don’t matter to you, i.e., disrespected.

DAY 4

Be trustworthy. The Bible says if your husband can trust you, then you will greatly enrich his life. Proverbs 31:11

DAY 5

Make love to him on a regular and by regular, I’m talking three times a week. Minimum! Corinthians 7:3 says the husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s sexual needs. By the way, you are not going to die if you walk into the lingerie store and find something sexy for you and your husband. You are also not going to die or go to hell if you engage in oral sex or positions that are considered vulgar. Please each other in and outside the bedroom and for the love of Almighty God, please flirt with the man. Men may not say it but to know you want them as bad as they want you, turns them on.

DAY 6

Ask him to teach you things and vice versa both in and out of the bedroom. Trust me, if he loves you and considers you his best friend then he is rooting for you in and outside of the bedroom. It’s okay to ask him during sex if he likes it or if he would like you to be a little rougher and vice versa. From what I’ve been told, best friends that turn into lovers, make love the best.

DAY 7

Respectfully hold him responsible for his wrongs and move forward in your relationship.

DAY 8

Praise him. Don’t be fake with this. Trust me, men can tell.

DAY 9

For the love of Almighty God, please learn how to cook something. Let me help you out by telling you the staples I keep in my house. Now, remember, I’m Jamaican and Puerto Rican so your list may vary but my kitchen always has thyme, cloves, sazon, bouillon, green banana, yellow plantains, garlic, onion, scotch bonnet, bay leaves, basil, lemon, salt, coconut milk, oil, and kale. You can hook up any protein with the ingredients above. These ingredients will also send an aroma through your home and your neighborhood. Men love passing fast-food restaurants knowing their wife’s food is better than anything out there. They love pulling up in the driveway and smelling the love you have for them, especially after a long day of work. He secretly loves when the neighbor says, “Your wife is cooking again” or “That sure smells good.” People eat with their nose, eyes, and then mouth, in that order. So, if you are not into the Afro-Hispanic Caribbean Mix I have above, then come up with your own staples. It’s a given you need to keep other things like eggs, milk, butter, sugar, juice, and water in your home. But I’m imploring you to look up aromatic herbs and use them. Also, do not overlook your community of help. Ask his mother or sister to show you a few things he likes and if they refuse, hire someone, or watch some videos. You can also ask the women in your family to show you a few things. In addition, if you smell something delish coming from your neighbor’s home and your neighbor isn’t crazy, then ask them about what they put in their food. Please try.

DAY 10

Serve him. It’s quite alright to make each other a plate of food. Don’t chew it for him but taking him food at work or during an event does something for him. Somehow, this action especially in front of his friends makes him feel appreciated and kept.

DAY 11

When he talks, let him talk. He needs someone to listen to him. Be that someone.

DAY 12

Talk about major purchases first. Listen, we all want to walk around in designer things, but you know your man’s pocket. Don’t stress him out or make him feel like he is working just so you can keep up with the Joneses.

DAY 13

Be there for his mother and sisters, especially if they don’t have a husband. Their son and/or brother will want to protect them and be there for them. Don’t make this difficult. You can have a healthy relationship with your mother and sisters-in-law. Invite them to places, go by and check on them, send them flowers, and gifts on Mother’s Day, etc. Just do whatever the Holy Spirit tells you to do, especially when it comes to women in his family. Remember, this is not being soft or a pushover, this is about being a respectful and nice person.

DAY 14

Help each other accomplish your God-given dreams. If the two of you are meant to be, then this will come naturally and without much compromise. Meaning, he isn’t willing to put any strain on you, especially financially in order to accomplish his dream.

DAY 15

Respect his job. Ask him about work and take a genuine interest in what he does. But by all means, do not pacify him. Honestly respect his work ethic.

DAY 16

Don’t tear him down with your words or actions.

DAY 17

Don’t embarrass him in front of people.

DAY 18

If you need to talk to him, do it privately, as a family, and as lovers, not as fighters or business partners. The only audience you need is your God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

DAY 19

Keep your family and friends, especially if they are negative out of your marriage. This includes mother-in-law’s and baby mommas.

DAY 20

Don’t tell anyone what happens in your bedroom. In fact, I always tell people, especially my friends, the men I sleep with are horrible in bed. Why? I don’t want them dreaming about my man. Besides, people can tell by your consistent smile that you’re lying. A good man will always make you glow. Trust me, there is no need to brag.

DAY 21

Always, always, always ask the Holy Spirit to help you with everything you do. Especially in your relationship. He will tell you if you should cook a little something special or buy some lingerie. He will also tell you if something is wrong and if He doesn’t tell you and something comes out of nowhere, relax, you’re equipped with what you need to overcome it. He is also the Spirit of the infamous “Shut up!” That’s right! The Holy Spirit will tell you when you should just be quiet. Sometimes your man just wants to be heard. I can’t stress this enough. It’s quite possible at work people were trying him all day and he just couldn’t wait to get home to talk about his horrible day with someone who understands him, who wouldn’t intentionally hurt him, and who would most importantly comfort him. Besides, we women possess something that will make a man forget all about his troubles. I’ll just let your imagination figure out what that statement means to you. I hope after reading this book you don’t think it’s what’s between your legs but what’s in your chest. Sorry I had to let you know because some people think it's their vagina that keeps him around. Chile, it's not. You better be the haven he needs, or you are just another person.

DAY 22

That leads me to your smile. I can’t explain how important your smile is to him when he comes. Listen, when he comes home from work and you can tell he had a horrible day, start with a smile. As soon as he walks into the door, put a genuine smile on your face. He needs it. He needs your embrace and please don’t be shocked when he needs to occasionally lay on your chest. We need to hold our men too. They may not admit it but sometimes they get scared. They are scared because they have children and a wife, and sometimes, elderly parents depending on them. Follow-up your smile with these words, “Whatever happened today, I am so glad you are the Provider for this family. We would not be able to do this without you. God got you Baby and so do I. We are with you. We see you. It will be over soon, and everything will be better than fine.” I promise you, well maybe not promise, let’s say I’m pretty sure if you say this to your man, especially if he had a non-supportive upbringing on top of that bad day, he will initially look at you a little weird. Don’t worry, he looks that way because the support is new, different, and he is adjusting to it. It shocks him. Keep being supportive. He will continue to see you differently from anyone else. He will realize this woman of mine is beautiful inside and out and she is the best thing beside God to happen to me and our family. Also, his friends will notice how you are always smiling, and this translates to him as a man who handles his business in and out the bedroom. That’s very important to men.

DAY 23

Shut up! I know I already touched on the art of shutting up but please listen to me. Men will open up to you if you are special to them. He will tell you about horrible events from his childhood or a fight he had with his parents, etc. Just let him talk. Look him in his eyes and when he is done venting or expressing his hurt, tell him whatever the Holy Spirit wants you to tell him. Verbatim. Then shut up! Only the Holy Spirit knows the right words when someone is hurting. Don’t be like how I was. A man was expressing something to me, and I interrupted him by saying, “Listen, can we have sex first, and then we can talk?” He looked at me so shocked and said, “Latoya, I’m trying to tell you something.” Well, he left, and it took a while before he opened up to me again. I regretted my selfish attitude because I naively thought he just wanted sex when he was trying to build a relationship. I am so glad the Holy Spirit taught me to be better. That’s why I’m telling you everything can’t be solved with that magic flower between your legs. Yes, your flower is awesome but having your heart makes his physical wants turn into spiritual needs, i.e., your physical attraction is heightened only by your spiritual connection. This is the whole premise behind soul mates, twin flames, etc. – Selah.

DAY 24

Men cry. Yep, they do, and this doesn’t make them soft. When someone they love passes away, they’ll cry. When they are hurt, they’ll cry. When they hurt you, they will definitely cry. When they are angry and feel helpless, as soon as they are safe in your arms, they will cry. They may not do it in front of people, but they will do it in front of you. Please do not mention that he cried to anyone, especially to him. That’s right. Don’t even bring it up to him. If he cries in your presence, try to hold him. If he is already laying on your chest, wipe his tears with your hands or with a kiss. Literally, bring his face to yours, look him deeply in his eyes, and although it may seem as though you’re going to kiss him on his lips, kiss his single tear as it falls down his face. He will do one of three things; cry harder, rest on your chest, or get up and leave. Remember, this action does not make you soft or a pushover, it makes you a supernatural human. If he leaves, give him his space. He was just vulnerable with you and based on his flight, this is new for him. When you see him again make him feel comfortable by making him laugh. But by all means, do not treat him like a baby or little boy just because he cried in front of you. Do that and you may never see him again. Why? He equated his tears to being soft, and then you confirmed that he is soft by treating him like a child. This is no bueno. And before you judge a man for crying, remember this, God cries too. If you want to stand out, then be the shoulder for both your God and your man to cry on. They both need you. If he stays, then hold him for as long as he needs. He may fall asleep or tell you a deep secret. Either way, be there for him. You may be his lover, but you are his sister in Christ first.

DAY 25

Hold him harder than anyone else.

DAY 26

Don’t judge his relationship with God.

DAY 27

Tell him he is right! Ok, I know this is a big deal for some people but when you look at how great life is, it’s not a big deal at all. Also, if you’re anything like I was, you were never going to tell a man he was right. Not even to save your life. I clearly was on that all men are stupid trip. So, here’s what you do, one, let go of thinking he is stupid, and never right about anything and two, acknowledge him both privately and in public…especially when he is right. There was a man that wanted to marry me…not date me but marry me. I’m making the same face you’re making right now. Why? Most people think it’s the woman that enters the relationship with the hope of being married but that hasn’t been my experience at all. I don’t know what I’m doing besides being me but the men I’ve met had “marriage and I’m here for the long haul” written all over their faces. This was a bit scary for me at first but then I realized, if a man likes what he sees then he will try to hold on to it. So anyway, he suggested I purchase an item. He knew I had a “strong” personality, so he didn’t expect me to take his suggestion. But I did. He literally caught me staring at the item thinking, “Should I buy this?” He walked up behind me with the biggest smile. I said, “What are you smiling about?” He said, “You’re taking my advice. I’m so shocked.” I completely understood why he felt that way because I was notorious for being mean, especially to men. But now, I know better. It’s okay to acknowledge that they are right or have good suggestions. Listen, if your man is right about something, then please do him and yourself a favor, and tell that man he is right. Look him in his eyes and tell him he is right. And tell him in front of people. If you tell him he is right all the time, the words can lose their power, so be careful. Tell him when you are all alone as well. This would make him feel like the King he is. After all, he is your man second and a joint heir to our King Christ first.

DAY 28

Say sorry if you hurt him. Please.

DAY 29

Try your best to make Him never feel lonely or unwanted. By making sure God never feels lonely or unwanted, He will make sure you do things so your man will never feel lonely or unwanted. Text/Call him randomly throughout the day. Hold him tighter than anyone else. Smile when you see him. You’ll be surprised how a quick, “We love you”, “I miss you”, “We’re so proud of you”, “I can’t wait for you to get home”, text will drive him crazy. Bring him lunch. Do whatever you need to do that makes him feel wanted and loved (not whatever but do things for him through the eyes/intent of showing true unconditional love). Remember, he is a person too.

DAY 30

If he is the one who got away and has found himself back to you, i.e., Broom, then let him vent. Listen, the both of you messed up and if he is a good man that returned, you hurt him. Just let him vent. He is probably going through a lot especially if he believes that you are the one who got away. Men are so funny. They will marry and then divorce knowing good and well that wasn’t who they were supposed to be with. Or they will be in a relationship with one woman for years, break-up, and then marry the woman they’ve been dreaming about but were too scared to trust in real love. This happens all the time. Men who circle back will tell you the same things they told me, “I really messed them up” or “I’m dangerous.” They are thinking about you. I don’t care if they are married three times over and had ten children with two wives and four baby mommas, they are still thinking about you, and they aren’t joking when they say things like that. They thought you were the one and when you rejected them, it made them feel as though they were dumb to put their true feelings on the line. So, if he’s the one and he circled back, reassure him that you have changed, matured, grown in God, and will not intentionally hurt him again. But by all means, let him vent.

DAY 31

Pray for him and pray with him. The first time you pray for him or with him you may find that he has stopped praying. Don’t be alarmed. Why? Open your eyes. He is staring at you. The last person that probably prayed intently for him was his mother, and you praying specifically for him is like spiritual art. He is attracted and infatuated with you. He wants to see if your face is genuine and he wants to hear if the things you are praying for lines up to what he has in his heart, i.e., are you genuinely rooting for him. He needs to watch as the words you say come out your mouth because he loves the fact that you are talking to the Creator just for him. Now, will he watch you pray all the time? No, but I see this all the time in church, especially during praise and worship. Men who are interested in you will watch you worship. A man once told me, unbeknownst to me that every time I sing it looks like I’m having sex. That man was obviously attracted to me, but you get that I’m trying to say prayer and worship can speak to them on a whole other level. Seriously, if you don’t already have the gift of speaking in tongues, ask the Holy Ghost for it. It’s a great gift to have and please don’t be embarrassed of God. I used to be. I used to think, “I can’t tell men I’m Christian or that I speak in tongues because they wouldn’t want to sleep with me.” One man from my past didn’t believe me when I told him I spoke in tongues. He said, “You? Nah! I know the real you.” But he didn’t. He knew the old me. Listen, a good man will love the fact that you pray. He will find it priceless that you keep him, and your children protected spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

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